The Power of Presence: A Journey of Showing Up

Densil porteous’ comMencement speech given at Kenyon College’s 2024 Lavender Graduation.

[Introduction]

Max, thank you for that gracious introduction.

President Kornfeld, guests, staff, students, and the lavender graduating class of 2024 it’s an honor to be here with you at Kenyon for such a significant occasion as Kenyon’s Lavender Graduation. 

When I was a student I don’t recall having such an experience–so being here now is reflective of progress. This event is not just a celebration but also a powerful symbol of the strides we’ve made towards inclusivity and understanding–at the College and beyond. 

When I matriculated to Keyon I could never have imagined standing before you as a College Trustee, as the CEO of a venture capital fund focused on uplifting LGBTQ+ identities, as the Executive Director of an LGBTQ+ center–as an immigrant, a first generation college student, a Black and openly queer person living their most authentic life full of joy.

I graduated in 2002 and since then Kenyon has changed–the world has changed.

Kenyon has seen its first female president, its first African American president, even though interim, its first openly queer president, and now its first Jewish president.

The U.S. has had its first Black president, its first female vice president, an openly queer/lesbian White House Press secretary, its first transgender member of a presidential cabinet.

Marriage equality became the law of the land. I married my partner and I became a dad.

In 1998 I showed up in Gambier unsure of the decision 17 year old me had made…however, it was during my time at Kenyon that I realized my decision to show up, to be present, would be the best decision of my life and being present was one of the first lessons I shared as I began my professional career.

[Introduction of the Quote]

After graduation I worked in the Kenyon admissions office for four years–yes, that’s how hard I feel for this place.

As an admissions officer one of the programs I oversaw was the overnight student visit program–I’m not sure they even do that anymore. Well, the program was staffed by three Kenyon seniors who would work to schedule on campus visits for high school seniors/prospective students. This particular year we had a coordinator who was often the most complicated to engage consistently on a task.

Picture it, Gambier 2005 its a snowy February evening. And that snowy February evening I found myself saying a phrase that has since stuck with me.

One of the Kenyon senior students I was managing, let’s call them Chris, didn’t show up for a work assignment–again.

As a repeat offender of not showing up, the moment wasn’t about Chris’ physical inability to be present, it was their lack of mental capacity to act before the moment. Had Chris taken action prior to this moment two visiting prospective students wouldn’t have been without an overnight host of their visit weekend.

One can imagine the ripples of the situation…

• Excited, and anxious, prospective student arrives
  • We welcome you!
• However, as you see other happy students leaving with their host(s) you wonder what happened to your host!
  • Did they forget you!
• We find replacement hosts–nice ones…
  • However, now there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that maybe this isn’t the place for you.
• You feel forgotten, unseen.
  • Unconnected

That evening when I finally was able to get in contact with Chris, in my immeasurable state of frustration, all I could muster as direction, and response to Chris’ lack of presence was a phrase that would encapsulate a much deeper philosophy through my life.

“Chris! Don’t act stupid. Just show up.”

[Avoiding ‘Acting Stupid’]

Now, let’s talk about not acting stupid.

In reality, as the child of a Black Caribbean single mother, it’s probably a phrase she said to me after being frustrated by some foolish thing that I had done–once again.

However, at its core, this means being informed, being thoughtful, being purposeful, and being intentional with our actions.

In a world brimming with information and opinions, it’s paramount to think critically, to question, to learn continuously, and to use this information intentionally—and hopefully, that intent is for the betterment of humanity.

“When we know better, we should do better.”

For several years, you’ve been learning together in community here at Kenyon. This community, truly characteristic of a small liberal arts college, has provided a unique educational landscape where the scales are set for intimate classes, frequent interactions with faculty and administration, and a collaborative student body.

Here, learning extends beyond the classroom. It happens in dining halls, during late-night study sessions, and throughout our campus grounds, fostering an environment where it’s safe to question, to debate, and even to fail. Because in these failures, surrounded by a community that cares, you find your greatest lessons.

Life long lessons.

As you step out into the world, carry with you the lessons you’ve learned here at Kenyon—lessons like empathy, of intellect, and of integrity.

Remember, the bonds formed and the resilience built here are part of your toolkit for life, equipped to handle the complexities of the world with grace and determination.

[The Meaning of ‘Just Show Up’]

To “just show up” is to be present, to participate, to engage.

In our lives, especially during experiences of challenge and change, showing up is half the battle. 

For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, it means standing proud in our identities, being visible, and making our voices heard. Each of you, by being here today, is a testament to the power of just showing up, not just for yourselves, but for each other and for those who will follow in your footsteps.

To see you can…is to believe you can.

Bayard Rustin. Vic Basile. Alphonso David. Elle Moxley. Kelley Robinson. 

James Baldwin. Larry Kramer. Audre Lorde. Saeed Jones.

Marsha P. Johnson. Sylvia Rivera. Miss Major Griffin-Gracy. Dean Spade.

Kathy Kozachenko. Harvey Milk. Fred Karger. Pete Buttigieg.

Tom Stamp. Robert Bennett. Jane Martindale. Jeffrey Bowman. Jesse Matz.

And the thousands of everyday people who simply make history by showing up AND being their most authentic selves.

By showing up they made space that has allowed us to follow.

By showing up they allowed us to see and believe that we can too.

[Personal Reflections/Lessons]

In my journey, which is ongoing, from awkward high school student, to tentative Kenyon matriculant, to unsure paraprofessional, to informed Kenyon graduate, to assured junior executive and now as I am leading in spaces of business, advocacy and community, this philosophy has been a guiding light. It’s taught me the importance of being present, not just in body but in spirit, in every boardroom, every community event, and in every conversation.

The choice to show up wasn’t always clear or easy, but showing up, being true to myself and my values, has made all the difference.

In the days after the June 12, 2016 attack at PULSE, a gay nightclub, in Orlando, Florida, where forty nine people died, I shared a simple public message: “I promise to continue showing up. I promise to continue standing up. I promise to never be silenced. I promise to fight until my very last breath. I promise to show up…for all of you.”

The thing is we all have to show up…because we are all living for someone’s tomorrow.

Our history was someone’s future, our future will be someone’s history, and our present is someone’s past–those who showed up and those who did not. 

You and only you will be able to own your section of this grand story. In the future we will be regarded by how we showed up at this moment in our present–our section.

I have always believed that I live for tomorrow, not my tomorrow…but someone else’s tomorrow and what I do today shapes their tomorrow–so I show up today informed with the knowledge of yesterday.

Amid the pandemic I showed up in the summer of 2020 and said yes to helping guide a venture capital fund focused on LGBTQ+ entrepreneurs and ventures and I said yes to leading the LGBTQ+ center in the 14th largest city in the country.

I showed up.

[Closing and Call to Action]

As I close, I have to say that I started drafting this speech back in November because I was asked to turn in a rough draft in December. When I shared my first draft I was quite unsure if the message I had selected would be the right one for the moment. And so for the next five months I feared the arrival of this moment–today. However, it was just about 12 days ago that President Kornfeld’s installation message was greatly affirming in the selection of my message.

On June 13th I had the privilege to be a part of Kenyon history by showing up as we installed our 20th president, Julie Kornfeld. In President Kornfeld’s speech she too talked about the importance of showing up.

She reminded me that in our shared faith we sit shiva. 

At what is often one of the most painful moments in someone’s life, losing a close loved one, their community makes space for them to feel and begin to heal their pain. Through this time of shiva community shows up to be with those who have lost–to share presence. President Kornfeld stated “With their presence they say you don’t have to do this alone…”

I’ve often wondered what would have happened if I didn’t look beyond the otherness of my identities as Black, as queer, as a first-generation college student, as an immigrant and didn’t show up here at Kenyon–fearful of being alone.

I realize that my commitment to ‘showing up’ began right here, on this hill, where you are today. It was during my tenure at Kenyon, first as a student and then in the admissions office, that I learned the transformative power of presence.

I know showing up in Gambier, and being present, has been one of the best decisions of my life–because somehow I am never alone.

[Long pause]

Lavender graduates, leverage today, this moment as the end of one chapter.

And, as you turn the proverbial page on the next chapter, I want you to conceptualize a vision of these words in your mind written across that page: 

“Don’t act stupid. Just show up.” 

It’s important for you to understand the world you’re stepping into needs you…it needs your curiosity, your quirks, your passion, your dreams, your compassion, your authenticity, your intelligence, your courage, your intention, it needs your presence…because we can’t do this alone.

The future is not just waiting for you…it’s counting on you!

Congratulations, Kenyon College’s Lavender Class of 2024.

Let’s show up–together!