I chose to leave a work situation where I was showing up and being me; but the me that I was being was not well received in that space–it was best contextualized by these words “I just don’t understand why you’re here.” It was the first time in my life I fully felt the effects of racial and masculine fragility at the intersections of power and constructs of knowledge’s ownership. I left that work situation because of a journey I was set on but never knew I needed to take; sometimes that’s how journeys go.
I’ve been on a journey of trying to understand how, and sometimes where, I fit. At work, in my social service engagement, in my families, in general this great thing that we call life. And when I allowed myself to disconnect my identity from the spaces in which I existed, like work, family, and my social service engagement, I came to understand that my internal identity was not defined by the spaces in which I exist but how I exist in the spaces; showing up and being me.
The constant is me.
I am, however, grappling with the fact that not all the spaces in which I exist are truly inclusive of my presence and because of my intersectional identity those spaces of inclusivity are few and far between. I know, I know this is the “ism” conversation. Yet, at this stage in my life I had come to believe I had made intentional choices about the spaces in which I existed and their belief systems; the reality was, like the truth of my existence, a lie. These places were not inclusive because their structures and those who ran their structures existed in spaces where their notions of power were shaky–harkens to the founding of our Country.
I chose to leave the oppressive work environment in which I was diminishing so that I could engage opportunities and spaces that were inclusive and would allow me to thrive. I was not only being intentional…I was being my most vulnerable. In an effort to control the narrative of my story I had to sacrifice my economic security for my personal sanity and self-worth.
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I dedicated myself to DePorteous.
I said yes to the Pride Fund 1.
I joined the HRC Board.
I’m taking space.
