These last few months have been a professional challenge, over the years I’ve had other such challenges, but this one has encouraged me to new heights of my emotional abilities. And I remind myself of the fundamental truth that I’ve came to accept years ago: this too shall pass. It is hard, most days, to remember that this is a moment in time, an experience in my life, that will pass and on the other side I can only hope to be better for the experience. Now, however, I am not considering the things that are causing tension in my life–I’m considering the expansive joy.
I give love; I am loved.
The routine is simple and runs like a respectable commuter train; we know success is achieved when she easily goes from my arms to the crib with no fuss–this happens 95% of the time. It is in the 5% of the time that I recall: I give love; I am loved. My foster daughter is 21 months and she is such a joy. I couldn’t have imagined how having had such a wonderful opportunity to share my home and heart with a child would positively shape me–and she makes it easy. “Ready for tuck-tuck?” She generally relaxes and slumps ready to be placed into the crib…unless it is one of the few times that comprise that 5%. “Noooo” she sort of sings it as she clutches me and doesn’t want to be placed into her crib. The moment generally passes without much spectacle and less then a minute later she is laying in the crib, tuck-tucked, and ok. It is in the moments that she won’t let go, at bedtime or goodbye, when I’m reminded that this little human depends on and, whether she understands it, loves me–however, I know that I love her.
I appreciate; I am appreciated
I can’t recall when I started saying it…it seems so easy to do; maybe important to do is better. Keeping someone organized, on task, focused, whatever you want to call “handling” a person–it is a difficult task when the person you are handling isn’t self-aware. Over the years I’ve been privileged to have engaged with some of the best people handlers I’ve ever seen! As I walked away I thought that I was really grateful for all that they had done and I wanted to be sure they understood. “Hey,” I stopped and was headed back the way I had come “ I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. It’s great day to be a great day!” And I walked away. Later that evening as I was doing my end of night routine…dinner, clean-up kitchen, foster daughter sleeping, check emails… “Thank you Densil, I truly appreciate you too.” I didn’t expect the note, it wasn’t why I went back earlier that day, and I’m always challenged on how to take compliment that I don’t think I deserve. In this moment I did nothing other than receive the joy that came from the note.
I am worthy.
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Grateful.
Work is a big part of my existence, but this phase will pass. I’m grateful for the experience and opportunity; I truly love what I do. So I welcome the joy. The joy of the work. The joy of my foster daughter. The joy of good people in the world. The joy of feeling worthy.
Even when things seem joyless you’ve got to find ways to get back the joy; because there are always moments of thanks and gratitude that come with joy–even if brief.
Full of thanks and gratitude.
Human. + Humble.
