Welcome to San Francisco;the peninsula in the west christened the Mecca for the gay searcher. A city so populated with those of the homosexual persuasion that it would be almost impossible to step out of one’s front door without falling over a gay. From the fuzzy bear to the hairless twink every kind of non-heterosexual male and female is said to exist within this 7X7 area of America. Single, partnered, married, dating, threesome, foursome, freak it moresome.

If you haven’t guessed I am single in the city. It may be because I am relationship challenged—well that is what I am calling it these days. I mean would you subject yourself to dating someone with a good job, his own apartment, personal motivation, and good looks?

I think not—

It was Saturday night and I found myself out at the bar, nothing too new about that situation. I frequent the establishments of the Castro to hangout with my friends, but also in hopes to meet someone new, well not just new, someone with the potential for a date or dates. I argue with my straight friend that staying at home on the sofa wont win me dates or find me friends. However, I am starting to think my straight friend may not have it all wrong; the part my straight has right is that staying at home and not meeting anyone is cheaper than going out and not meeting anyone…Ok I digress.

Well, here it is Saturday night, the music is bumping as Beyoncé tells us that a Diva is the female version of a Hustler, the bartender screams “whoo” in a rapid outburst, the twink in the corner is either drunk or just slipped on the wet floor, and I am taking a sip from my second White Grape Vodka and Cranberry (kids remember to drink responsibly or bring a friend so there is no Coyote Ugly moments…we’re gay, not straight). Honestly there are at least five guys I wouldn’t mind saying hello to and chatting a bit more…not the drunk chat because I am not here yet.

The first guy, maybe 23 or so, I soon see walk off with someone clearly old enough to be his dad and well, maybe it really was his dad…if so they are pretty close because I have never seen any of my friends kiss their dad like that. Guy number 2 I noticed checked me out several times. I suspect he is in his mid-30s a little fleck of gray on the right side of his head and a smile that would kill. Lady Gaga is now showing me her poker face and soon I see number 2 heading in my direction. He gets in close and says “You are so sexy!” Now, I was flattered I mean if I were white I would have blushed, I did say thank…but then quickly grabbed my friend next to me. Why did I use the grab a friend life line? Well, let’s just say that they delivery of the line made Pamela Anderson seem like a man…

Well needless to say I gave up on interacting with the rest of the men present that evening. But I did wonder what I could do the next time I was out to present myself as an eligible bachelor who was just looking for a guy-guy, who was looking for a dude… You get me?

So I am going to create a 10 question form for everyone to answer before we actually begin a conversation…I mean don’t you think everyone at the bar would jump at the chance? Well, my other idea is to print a t-shirt with my job, credit score, and stating my level of education…you think that would do the trick? Ok, ok I’ll also note the kind of car I drive.