Dear mom…

Posted on Posted in Life

You have been gone since 1995 and it’s hard to imagine that tomorrow is my 31st birthday. That’s 16 years without you being a physical presence in my life. You died before I had the chance to let you know something, something important about who I am. But they say mothers always know and something tells me that you knew.

Don’t walk like that. No you can’t play with dolls. You boys don’t need to be back there alone. Don’t stand like that. Stop crying. Act like a boy.

I know you said these things with all the love in your heart and I tried my best to live up to your request. I understand it was what you learned growing up. I know it was because of the confines of cultural identity.

Well, mom here I am to let you know that I’m doing pretty ok. I’ve graduated from high school, went on to college and even earned an MBA. I’m living in a great city and I have a wonderful job. I have wonderful friends and a great love in my life. Ok, ok there have been bumps along the way–I mean isn’t life about lessons learned and no regrets.

Mom I love you. I love the lessons you shared—knowing and unknowing. I love the example you set. In my heart I know I’ve made you proud and I hope you know I have lived each day of my life to honor you.

So, because of your example and telling me to be the most honest me I want to come out and let you know–I’m gay.

One thought on “Dear mom…

  1. This is so moving. I imagine you with this burden of unspoken words lifted from your shoulders after so long and fizzling to nothingness right before your very eyes. And your mother, who I miss though we never met, embracing you, not out of empathy or sympathy, but because she had to let you know that she knew … she knew; after all, you’re her baby boy. And she would embrace you because it was important for you to know that the love she felt before you stated it plainly grew exponentially because finally you trusted her with sharing your whole being, your core, the unique, inspiring, activist, friend-extraordinaire, strongest man I know … who is her baby boy. And because she would feel so blessed that you were sent to her. I love you.

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