It is funny what allows my dormant melancholy to resurface…whether for a moment or for days. My melancholy only seems to focus around one thing: a feeling of inadequacy in action and role. What I mean by this is that at times I feel like I am not doing enough for others and that my professional roles have not been the kind that can/will make a difference for people the way I want to make a difference/impact. But I love what I do.
I spend my free time volunteering and engaging with organizations which I feel are directly in step with my personal beliefs, organizations that I believe will take steps to enact change in appropriate ways—immediately or over time. There is a feeling of reward in my heart as I do the volunteer work that I do…but often times I have a feeling like I can do more—I should do more, but how.
Quit my job? Well, sure I could quit my job but then I couldn’t afford to do some of the volunteer work with which I engage—and not mention I really couldn’t afford to live since I still have tons of educational loans to pay off…you know the education I had to go into debt to get because I wanted to better myself, set an example for my younger family members and be in a place in life where I believed I could have a greater impact on issues—crazy cycle right? But I love what I do.
Altruism? Selfless? Different words…same meaning. I don’t know that I feel like it is either of those things. I just don’t know that I feel like I am doing enough…my impact is not as great as I want it to be…but what is the limit of greatness of impact? Can’t we always do more than what we are doing?
Be more. Do more.
Do more of what makes you happy.
Do more great work.