There are so many facets of my personal story which inspire me to enact change for the greater good. Growing up in a single parent home, having lived—at times—in an impoverished situation, dealing with the death of a parent at an early age, being a “fatherless” child, losing a parent to HIV/AIDS, being a young African American male, being first in my family to go to college, being gay…wow the list, as they say, can really be on going.

I have found little ways to do more and yet I am still not satisfied. Donating my time educating youth about sex and sexuality, raising funds for HIV/AIDS causes, working to get more young people of color in college, focusing on first generation college bound students, raising awareness of the lack of equality for LGTB individuals—maybe I have done a lot. Yet, again, there is a desire for me to do more.

So, how do I do it? How do I do more!

The challenge with love is…

Well it, love, is simply none of the above mentioned things.

The challenge with love is…

In all of its parts the complexity of love can not be detailed in any diagram, mathematical equation, artist rendering, poetic verse, or musical expression and the vast array of possibilities is truly endless.

The challenge with love is…

That we desire it, love, in many fashions and from many different people. We want the expression of love in words from a mother or father; we desire the touch of a significant other as a sign of their love, a note from a friend stating their love…we desire it, love.

The wonderful thing about love is…

We all experience love—even in the smallest way.

here are 10 things i read recently which fully spoke to me:
“So chances are, there is more than one person out there who fits the bill for you. All of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether to stay or go? Here are 10 relationship markers to help you know if he or she is The One:
1. When you’re together you feel like you’ve come home.
2. You feel like your partnership was meant to be, as if kissed by destiny.
3. In your communication with each other there is a rapid “knowing” of what each of you means.
4. You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family life.
5. When you’re together the world seems like a better place.
6. Your mood is elevated when you’re together. It’s not necessarily passion or excitement, although that’s there too at times.
7. When you look at him/her you see a part of yourself that’s been missing. Perhaps it’s her assertiveness or his joy of adventure. But it’s something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
8. Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
9. You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
10. Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.

Don’t worry if you don’t feel all 10 of these things when you’re with your partner. That’s where the imperfection comes in — either in you or your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having all of these qualities. Couples who have lasting love find that their relationships get closer and better over time. And that process has been my privilege and good fortune to experience personally — after a lot of hard work that continues to this day!”

Here is a link to the full article on Yahoo!

so since saying yes so many times i have been kept away from my ability to blog and express… well, i think i am getting a better handle on my time and the expectations of my time…so i hope to coming back here soon. my next few post will bring folks up to date on my work with HRC and my other wild moments since the start of 2010!

its crazy because i talk about all of these folks as my family; i try to discern, at times, the different ways they are connected to me…but that just seems to get more confusing. in the end i love them all…

love makes a family.

i gave thanks for my family, my friends, my loved ones gone and my loved ones yet to come.

We have morphed in to a society of individuals who use thanks as a common place item and so therefore truly miss what giving thanks means. We say thanks because “that’s just what you do.” Well, think for a moment of what it means to the person whom you are thanking—or what it should mean. It is acknowledging that person for taking some time out of their own routine to engage in a thing which will be to your benefit.

So here is my thought for the next 3 full weeks of the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving. On the 9th, 16th, and 23rd think of someone whom you would like to thank for doing something for you. My suggestions for communication are all written (electronic or hand) because sometimes it is easier to express thanks when we truly take time to think about that for which we are thankful.

9th: Send an email to someone saying thank you for something they have recently done to help you.

16th: Leave a hand written note for someone who is currently helping you with something.

23rd: Send a letter, via snail mail, to someone who has had a significant impact on your life letting them know how they have impacted your life and, of course, saying thanks for what they have done.

I don’t say these things because I want to see how many communications I receive, I don’t say these things because I expect you to send this along to friends so they may do the same, but I do say these things because I think it important that we take the time to really think about the people in our lives and how thankful we are for them and the things which they may do to our benefit.

Thank you for reading because you take the time out of your day to read my random ramblings. Thank you, because it makes me feel you care.

Am I to write of the syncopated sound as the rain patters away at the window while I watch the people walk by unaware of my simplistic observation of their common existence? Better shall I share the stories of the people of Fillmore who seem to dance with the rain drops fully unscathed by the reality of life as known by the general population?

Maybe the reality of rain is not to be as transformative or cathartic as some writers imagine; maybe the reality of the rain is to inspire. To inspire thought, to inspire action, to inspire one to think and engage in a fashion unique to the freshness the rain is purported to beckon or bring; simply to inspire. Inspiration can, and should, come in many different forms; when it comes one should grasp it and make of it what one will.

Two hundred thirty seven words in and I have still not found my inspiration in the rain…well, not the inspiration as I believe it should manifest. Yes, I am questioning; I am thinking on the movement of the day, the people, and the nature of rain…but there is no deeper message I have to share. Clearly my want to write is greater than my ability.

Here it is…the big thing: enjoy the rain and what it may bring, notions of a thing, ideas of inspiration, and moments of question. It is in these moments…in the moments of the rain…that we can sometimes find the biggest ideas of ourselves and the existence of others. It is in our essence to question and if we lose that want or desire to question then are we not losing the essence of us? Maybe the rain will inspire.

in the last few weeks i have engaged with friends who all seem to be going through a similar phase in their life. i started to think the economy was causing people to re-think who they are and what they wanted from life, but the more i experienced the exchange with friends i gathered the phenomena wasn’t reflective of the larger society but that of a generation.

we are a generation of seekers yet to realize for what we are searching.

content is not concept we grasp and settled is not a paradigm we understand. we strive for more, for greater, for better? but is there truly an end in sight for where we aim to land? i find i am still striving, still driving, still aiming for the next “best” thing… the thing that will make me feel settled, make my soul content; i search for the thing that will make me search no more.

truly my destination, and that of many in my generation, continues to be: unknown.

it was nice to wake up to the sun streaming through the open bedroom door; i could vaguely recall the b/f leaving for work in the am and i was glad to have not been disturbed by the dog who may have wanted a walk. i finally left my apartment around 3:30pm first to drive and pick-up my friend so we could visit the boy shopping store (aka pacific heights whole foods) after we took fish food to our favorite sf lesbian–yes, she really does own pet fish.

our trip to whole foods was rather uneventful, but i do think it was entertaining to watch how people reacted the “gay, mixed couple, who were shockingly not very gay looking”. the seafood guy was rather charming, the produce man couldnt stop staring, and the check-out dude was kinda chatty…quick trip over it was off to enjoy warm and creamy.

i have to say i enjoy spending time with my friend…we chat about the most mundane things at times and its great! there is not pretense, not false sense of what we are, when we are alone (and sometimes with others) we call it like we see it and it let things happen as they may. i sat in the living doing some work as he prepared the dungeness crab mac & cheese!

the food was gonna be a great way to spend my saturday…my slow and easy saturday. while we ate we watched The Dark Knight and chatted…well, until i fell into a wonderful food coma–it could have also been because i didnt go to bed on Friday night until 5:30am saturday morning.

i think all that was missing from my warm and creamy flashback saturday was my mother there to stroke my head or rub my back. tonite i will curl up and hold the b/f…maybe that will be ok too.